Book Review: The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language

Updated 2/2022

For those of you who are currently in a relationship, I’m willing to bet that you’ve had a money fight or two. Often, it’s after the honeymoon phase of the relationship that disagreements about how to handle money pop up. Major life events, such as starting a family or changing jobs, may magnify money issues that were previously unknown or overlooked.

Your personal relationship with money falls along a spectrum: on one end you can be completely confident and secure when it comes to your money, and on the other end you can feel utterly lost and confused. Regardless of your own personal relationship with money, add in a partner who comes with their own set of ideas, perspectives, and habits when it comes to money, and now you’re looking at a situation that can get complicated very quickly. No wonder money consistently ranks as one of the most common reasons that couples fight.

Exploring this dynamic between love and money is found in the book “The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language” by Bethany and Scott Palmer. Similar to the famous book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, this book helps couples find their individual “money languages” in order to improve and strengthen their relationship.

The Palmers are a married couple who are self–professed “spenders.” They also happen to be financial planners who couldn’t figure out why so many of their clients were having problems with their money, even AFTER providing them with (seemingly) excellent financial plans that they thought would solve any money issues between the two partners.

It turns out that numbers are only a part of the equation when it comes to financial wellness and success. If you can’t agree with your partner when it comes to money, then it’s very difficult to move forward and reach your goals as a couple.

Here is a quick synopsis of the 5 money personalities that are discussed in the book. As you read through the descriptions, try to predict your own money personality!

THE 5 MONEY PERSONALITIES

MONEY PERSONALITY #1: SAVER

The saver is your typical bargain hunter who gets a thrill out of discounts and NOT spending money. They don’t have issues with impulse purchases. In fact, they find it difficult to spend money. Some people may label them as cheap.

MONEY PERSONALITY #2: SPENDER

Of course, to counter the saver is the spender. Your spender has no issue with spending money. The act of spending gives them joy, whether it be for themselves or for others. This generosity can go too far and result in breaking the budget.

MONEY PERSONALITY #3: RISK TAKER

These are your adventurers who like to live in the moment and take chances. Playing it safe isn’t how they deal with money. All they see are possibilities. The downside is that they can be impatient and bigger risks can result in greater financial losses.

MONEY PERSONALITY #4: SECURITY SEEKER

The security seeker wants nothing to do with risk. The purpose of money is to have a sense of security and safety. These are your classic planners who have very specific intentions when it comes to their money. It can be easy for these security seekers to experience analysis paralysis when it comes to making money decisions.

MONEY PERSONALITY #5: FLYERS

Flyers are in a class of their own. Unlike the other 4 personalities, they don’t attach much emotion to their money. They are content to go with the flow and only deal with money when absolutely necessary. They may not make the best money decisions since it falls low on their priority list.

WHEN MONEY PERSONALITIES CLASH

According to this book, individuals have a primary and secondary money personality. Having two opposing money personalities can clash with one another, causing feelings of discomfort and confusion. It’s important to understand your own relationship with money before moving on to your partner.

Of course, we can have a partner that has a primary and/or secondary money personality that is opposite our own. So not only is there the possibility of tension within the individual, but conflicts are almost guaranteed if both partners have opposing money personalities.

However, there is also a silver lining to having a partner that thinks differently about money:

But if you’re willing to shift your perspective and see your partner’s Money Personality as an asset in your Money Relationship, you’ll find yourselves moving forward with the belief that you are stronger together than you can ever be on your own.

Scott and Bethany Palmer, “The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language”

FROM KNOWLEDGE TO ACTION

Once establishing each partner’s money personality, the book focuses on getting couples to work together, as a team, towards achieving their money and life goals.

A big roadblock to good teamwork is financial infidelity, a situation where a partner is not being completely truthful when it comes to money. Much like emotional and physical infidelity, financial infidelity can create feelings of distrust, driving a wedge between the couple. When this trust is broken, whether it’s due to a one-time event or many small instances over time, it can take a long time to build this trust again.

In order to stop or prevent financial infidelity, the authors advocate for regular money conversations with your partner. Not only should these conversations focus around the numbers, but this money talk should also focus on overall financial and life goals. When money goals are translated to life goals with your partner, it leads to a completely different way of dealing with money as a couple.

This is the time to talk about short-term dreams and long-term dreams, personal dreams and dreams for your family. Nothing is off-limits.

Scott and Bethany Palmer, “The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language”

There is also a section that focuses on how to fight about money. The authors are being real and practical- there are bound to be money fights and disagreements in the future. However, there are healthy ways to have an argument with your partner, and they discuss some tips and strategies on how to fight fair.

CONCLUSION

I would highly recommend this book for couples that are experiencing a lot of marital stress due to money fights. These arguments may be manifestations of deeper issues in a marriage that warrant professional help, but this book is a great first step towards getting on the same financial page with your significant other.

If you dig deep enough, you’ll come to realize that money fights are not just about the money. Fighting about money can feel like intense personal attacks because of the underlying reasons that lead to these arguments. Building this awareness of why you fight allows for more understanding and empathy between partners.

This book is a quick and easy read, and it could be a great way to connect with your partner in a way that you haven’t before. This is not a typical personal finance book that focuses on numbers and budgeting, but it addresses the real emotional and psychological aspects of money that are often overlooked in relationships. You will likely find little descriptions of yourself and your partner in the many stories that are sprinkled throughout the book; I know I certainly did!

Have you read this book? What is your money personality? How have you gotten on the same financial page with your partner? Comment below!